Yard\u0131m etmek… \u0130nsan olman\u0131n en kadim, en temel eylemlerinden biri. Tarihin ilk topluluklar\u0131ndan beri, tehlikelerle dolu bir d\u00fcnyada birbirine el uzatmak, sadece bir erdem de\u011fil, ya\u015fam\u0131n devam\u0131 i\u00e7in bir zorunluluktu. Kurtlar sofras\u0131nda hayatta kalman\u0131n tek yolu, toplu bilinci korumakt\u0131.<\/p>\n
Fakat bug\u00fcn, art\u0131k hayatta kalmak i\u00e7in de\u011fil \u2014 \u00e7o\u011fu zaman varl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 anlaml\u0131 k\u0131lmak, i\u00e7imizdeki bo\u015flu\u011fu doldurmak ya da sadece “iyi bir insan” oldu\u011fumuzu kan\u0131tlamak i\u00e7in yard\u0131m ediyoruz.<\/p>\n
Peki, bu durumda yard\u0131m etme eylemi, ger\u00e7ekten bir ba\u015fkas\u0131na uzanan, kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131ks\u0131z bir el midir, yoksa asl\u0131nda kendimize tuttu\u011fumuz bir aynan\u0131n yans\u0131mas\u0131 m\u0131?<\/p>\n
Psikanalist ve filozof Erich Fromm, klasik eseri Sevme Sanat\u0131’nda bu ikileme \u0131\u015f\u0131k tutar. Fromm\u2019a g\u00f6re, insan\u0131n \u201cverme\u201d kapasitesi, olgunlu\u011fun en b\u00fcy\u00fck g\u00f6stergesidir. Ama burada kastedilen, zoraki veya \u00fcst\u00fcnl\u00fck taslayan bir verme de\u011fildir.<\/p>\n
Ger\u00e7ek verme, ihtiya\u00e7tan de\u011fil, i\u00e7sel zenginlikten do\u011far. \u0130nsan bir \u015feyi eksik oldu\u011fu, bor\u00e7lu hissetti\u011fi i\u00e7in de\u011fil; i\u00e7indeki hayat enerjisi ta\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in payla\u015f\u0131r. B\u00f6ylece insan ba\u015fkalar\u0131na yard\u0131m ederken kendine de yard\u0131m eder.<\/p>\n
\u0130\u015fte bu, g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcz d\u00fcnyas\u0131n\u0131n en b\u00fcy\u00fck paradoksudur: Bir yan\u0131m\u0131z, bu “i\u00e7sel zenginlikten” do\u011fan saf iyili\u011fi arzularken, di\u011fer yan\u0131m\u0131z modern \u00e7a\u011f\u0131n h\u0131z ve g\u00f6steri\u015f k\u00fclt\u00fcr\u00fcyle ku\u015fat\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r.<\/p>\n
Byung-Chul Han, Palyatif Toplum\u2019da modern insan\u0131n ac\u0131ya tahamm\u00fcls\u00fczl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden bahseder.
\nOna g\u00f6re \u00e7a\u011f\u0131m\u0131z, her t\u00fcrl\u00fc olumsuzlu\u011fu h\u0131zla bast\u0131rmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r \u2014 ac\u0131ya de\u011fil, rahatlamaya odaklan\u0131r.
\nYard\u0131m etme bi\u00e7imlerimiz de bu paliyatif mant\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7inde \u015fekillenir.
\nAc\u0131y\u0131 anlamak yerine, onu \u201cy\u00f6netmeye\u201d \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r\u0131z.
\nBirine yard\u0131m ederken, onun ac\u0131s\u0131na e\u015flik etmektense, onu \u00e7abucak susturmak isteriz.<\/p>\n
Han\u2019a g\u00f6re bu, modern \u015feffafl\u0131k k\u00fclt\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcn de bir uzant\u0131s\u0131d\u0131r.
\nHerkesin iyi g\u00f6r\u00fcnmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir d\u00fcnyada, yard\u0131m bile \u201ctemiz\u201d, \u201cpozitif\u201d ve \u201cg\u00f6sterilebilir\u201d olmal\u0131d\u0131r.
\nOysa ger\u00e7ek yard\u0131m, karanl\u0131\u011fa e\u011filmeyi, ac\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6lgesinde kalmay\u0131 gerektirir.<\/p>\n
Ne var ki modern \u00e7a\u011f, yard\u0131m\u0131 bile t\u00fcketimle, g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcrl\u00fckle i\u00e7 i\u00e7e ge\u00e7irmi\u015f durumda. Art\u0131k iyilik bile \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcl\u00fcyor, performans gibi sergileniyor, hatta \u201cbe\u011feni\u201d ve \u201cyorum\u201dlarla \u00f6d\u00fcllendiriliyor.<\/p>\n
Sosyal medyada yap\u0131lan yard\u0131mlar, ne yaz\u0131k ki s\u0131k\u00e7a kalbin de\u011fil, kameran\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnde \u015fekilleniyor. Ac\u0131n\u0131n foto\u011fraf\u0131, g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131n\u0131n hikayesi, bir anda binlerce etkile\u015fim al\u0131yor. Bu durumda yard\u0131m etmek, kimi zaman bir vicdan g\u00f6sterisine; kimi zaman ise bast\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bir eksikli\u011fin veya sosyal kabul g\u00f6rme arzusunun d\u0131\u015favurumuna d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor.<\/p>\n
Bu noktada o can al\u0131c\u0131 soruyu sormak zorunday\u0131z:<\/p>\n
Birine yard\u0131m etti\u011fimizde, ger\u00e7ekten onun ac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 m\u0131 hafifletiyoruz, yoksa kendi huzursuzlu\u011fumuzu ve yetersizlik duygumuzu mu dindiriyoruz?<\/p>\n
Belki de \u00e7o\u011fu zaman, kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakinin k\u0131r\u0131lganl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, muhta\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131nda kendi yaralar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyoruz. Ve ona el uzat\u0131rken, asl\u0131nda i\u00e7imizdeki \u00e7aresiz \u00e7ocu\u011fa, ihmal edilmi\u015f benli\u011fimize de dokunuyoruz. Bu, insanidir; ancak yard\u0131m\u0131, kar\u015f\u0131 taraf\u0131n ihtiyac\u0131ndan \u00e7ok, kendi psikolojik ihtiyac\u0131m\u0131z haline getirir.<\/p>\n
Ger\u00e7ek yard\u0131m, \u00fcst\u00fcnl\u00fckten de\u011fil, e\u015fitlikten do\u011far. \u201cBen g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc, sen zay\u0131fs\u0131n; ben verici, sen al\u0131c\u0131s\u0131n\u201d diyerek yap\u0131lan iyilik, kabul edelim ki, asl\u0131nda bir t\u00fcr gizli \u00fcst\u00fcnl\u00fck duygusu i\u00e7erir. Kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakini, bize minnet duyaca\u011f\u0131 bir konuma iter.<\/p>\n
Oysa ger\u00e7ek yard\u0131m, iki insan\u0131n ayn\u0131 d\u00fczlemde bulu\u015fmas\u0131d\u0131r: Biri elini uzat\u0131r, di\u011feri tutar; ama ikisi de insan olman\u0131n k\u0131r\u0131lganl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, d\u00fc\u015febilme ihtimalini bilir. Yard\u0131m alan da veren de, o anki pozisyonlar\u0131n\u0131n ge\u00e7ici oldu\u011funun fark\u0131ndad\u0131r.<\/p>\n
Unutmamal\u0131y\u0131z ki, bazen yard\u0131m etmek, sadece b\u00fcy\u00fck bir \u015fey yapmak, para vermek ya da sorunlar\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6zmek de\u011fildir.<\/p>\n
Bazen yard\u0131m etmek, sadece susmak ve yan\u0131nda durmakt\u0131r.<\/p>\n
\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc her \u015feyin \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fc sunmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmak, kar\u015f\u0131ndakini k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fclt\u00fcr, onun potansiyelini elinden al\u0131r.<\/p>\n
Bazen en b\u00fcy\u00fck yard\u0131m, birinin kendi g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fc fark etmesine izin vermektir.<\/p>\n
Modern insan\u0131n trajedisi, ba\u011flant\u0131 kurmakta de\u011fil, ba\u011flant\u0131y\u0131 s\u00fcrd\u00fcrememekte yatar. Yard\u0131m da b\u00f6yledir. Bir anl\u0131k jestle birine dokunmak kolayd\u0131r; ama onunla kalmak, onun hik\u00e2yesini sab\u0131rla ta\u015f\u0131mak ve s\u00fcrecin bir par\u00e7as\u0131 olmak \u00e7ok daha zordur. Yard\u0131m\u0131n kal\u0131c\u0131 de\u011feri, anl\u0131k bir duygusal de\u015farjda de\u011fil, s\u00fcrd\u00fcr\u00fclebilir bir insanl\u0131kta gizlidir.<\/p>\n
Sonu\u00e7ta yard\u0131m etmek, sadece ba\u015fkas\u0131 i\u00e7in de\u011fil, insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 hat\u0131rlamak i\u00e7in de vard\u0131r. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc insan, ancak ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n varl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, ona tuttu\u011fu aynada kendi ruhunu, s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 ve potansiyelini tan\u0131r.<\/p>\n
Belki de ger\u00e7ek yard\u0131m\u0131n tan\u0131m\u0131 \u015fudur: Birine eksik olan bir \u015feyi vermek de\u011fil; onda zaten var olan o muazzam g\u00fcc\u00fc, umudu ve yetene\u011fi g\u00f6rmesine yard\u0131m etmektir.<\/p>\n
Bu, bir kurtar\u0131c\u0131 olmak de\u011fil, bir ayna olmakt\u0131r. Ve bu t\u00fcr bir yard\u0131m, hem vereni hem de alan\u0131 \u00f6zg\u00fcrle\u015ftirir.<\/p>\n
Bu blog yaz\u0131s\u0131na okuyucular\u0131n da kat\u0131l\u0131m\u0131n\u0131 sa\u011flamak ister misiniz? \u00d6rne\u011fin, bir anket ekleyebiliriz: “Sizce yard\u0131m etmek, daha \u00e7ok kime iyi geliyor: Yard\u0131m Edene mi, Yard\u0131m Alana m\u0131?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yard\u0131m etmek… \u0130nsan olman\u0131n en kadim, en temel eylemlerinden biri. Tarihin ilk topluluklar\u0131ndan beri, tehlikelerle dolu bir d\u00fcnyada birbirine el uzatmak, sadece bir erdem de\u011fil, ya\u015fam\u0131n devam\u0131 i\u00e7in bir zorunluluktu. Kurtlar sofras\u0131nda hayatta kalman\u0131n tek yolu, toplu bilinci korumakt\u0131. Fakat bug\u00fcn, art\u0131k hayatta kalmak i\u00e7in de\u011fil \u2014 \u00e7o\u011fu zaman varl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 anlaml\u0131 k\u0131lmak, i\u00e7imizdeki bo\u015flu\u011fu doldurmak …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1659,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[37,36,35],"tags":[91,90,88,89],"class_list":["post-1657","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mutlu-yasam","category-pozitif-psikoloji","category-ruh-sagligi","tag-iyilik-yapmak","tag-ruh-sagligi","tag-yardim","tag-yardim-etmek"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gokmenarslan.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1657","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gokmenarslan.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gokmenarslan.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gokmenarslan.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gokmenarslan.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1657"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/gokmenarslan.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1657\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1664,"href":"https:\/\/gokmenarslan.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1657\/revisions\/1664"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gokmenarslan.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1659"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gokmenarslan.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1657"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gokmenarslan.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1657"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gokmenarslan.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1657"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}